I've resorted to making memes

I've had no time to write lately, so for kicks I've started making my own "memes" (or at least that's what I think the kids are calling them)...

David Foster looks like the Axeman!

#ahscoven  #axeman  #rhbh  #yolandafoster  #davidfoster  #lookalikes

Vincent, I know how you felt...

Vincent Van Gogh self portrait, painted shortly after his
infamous self-inflicted ear amputation

Being an artist can really suck. I mean REALLY suck sometimes. No, actually MOST of the time. I mean, I didn't ask to be born with this "talent" that has caused so many before me to live (and die) feeling tortured and frustrated...

But exactly why is the artist such a traditionally tortured creature? Well have a seat, and let me break it down for you. Imagine yourself as a child, about 3 or 4 years old, just playing like any other kid, then maybe grabbing some crayons and doodling something up. Suddenly, an adult snatches the paper from your grubby little hands and declares, "This child is really talented!" And there it was for the first time, that word I now sometimes despise - talent. What does it even mean? Webster's Dictionary describes it as "the natural endowments of a person" or "a special often athletic, creative, or artistic aptitude." Okay, whatever.  All I know is, it felt good to be called talented.  As one of four children in a single-parent home, my newfound "talent" gave me some desperately-craved attention.  Throughout grade school, I used every opportunity to show off my artistic abilities as a means for attention and approval.  You better believe my mother fucking mission was the best!  And paper mache'? Forget about it. No one even came close.  But then I got older, and there were no more gold stars, A+'s, or blue ribbons to fill me up. Now it was time to be a grown-up, and to seek approval as an artist in the real world- and boy was I in for a shock.

Ah, and there is that other nasty word - approval.  A HUGE part of the artist's tortured existence is that we often seek outside approval to validate ourselves and our work- which isn't really our fault- it's how our system works. Even if an artist was never a needy little rugrat like me, the approval we are forced  to seek as an adult artist comes in the form of money (you know, how you pay rent and eat and stuff).  There is nothing more difficult for an artist than to pour your heart & soul into your work, resulting in pieces that you love and are very satisfied with...and then no one buys them. Or even likes them.  Or even sees them.  And the illustration agencies don't call you back.  And neither do the galleries. And the only

type of work offers you can seem to get are to do a portrait of Aunt Edna and her cat for 20 bucks and lunch at Applebee's (and you take it). And everyone you meet keeps telling you, "You know, you should really do something with your talent." And then your work just ends up in a closet or corner of your house somewhere, collecting dust, and reminding you of how much you suck and you should just give up this stupid art shit already and get a real career going, and then you paint all your paintings black or throw them away or something, and all of the sudden you find yourself understanding why Van Gogh cut his fucking ear off! (Or maybe I just need medication?)

As an artist in this world, it is easy to feel completely unappreciated, dejected and useless- like an old dinosaur roaming around in the suburbs, just getting in the way of the busy, money-making people and eating everyone's plants.  Okay, maybe that analogy didn't make perfect sense, but you get my drift.  I wish that I could end this little rant on a more positive note, but alas- this is one of the 362 days this year that it sucks to be an artist.

ADDITIONAL NOTES & LINKS:
Think I'm crazy?  Just check out this list of artists throughout history who have commited suicide and at least you'll see I'm not alone in my frustration.

-Vincent Van Gogh's suicide note
-Life in Hell comic about struggling artists (hilarious!)

Van Gogh's final painting before shooting himself in the head. Many believe this painting hinted of his planned
suicide, with the crows reacting to the sudden sound of the gunshot (this field was the view from his window).

YES, I'M A JEALOUS BITCH...

This weekend I ended up watching some crappy 2005-ish college comedy on cable starring Blake Lively, whom I think is drop-dead gorgeous. Anyway, I didn't even recognize her at first because her nose looked MUCH larger than I remembered! I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I couldn't have been more delighted! A-HA! Not so perfect after all (though she was definitely very pretty with her old nose). I even recall Kelly Osbourne on an episode of Fashion Police becoming equally excited over a photo of poor Blake in which cellulite was visible. Jealousy? Bitterness? Perhaps.

At any rate, this realization sent me googling for celebrities who've had work done, and I couldn't believe all the subtle rhinoplasty that has been going on around Hollywood! I was positively giddy at the prospect that these beautiful creatures were once mere mortals like me!  And I think more than just plan old envy, it also gave me a sense of relief. Relief that perhaps I am not so bad after all, even with my God-given, slightly crooked nose. Relief that, in reality, much of what we perceive as perfection is just an illusion-- and true beauty will always be on the inside.

If I were President... NOSE JOBS FOR EVERYONE!!!

I've been called a lot of things...

Desiree's Favorite Moments in Comedy

When I decided to make this list, my instinct was to do what I always do when I feel confused & overwhelmed... give up, go home, and watch recorded episodes of RuPaul's Drag Race.  But that night, I tossed and turned - and in the dead of night was visited by the Spirit of Comedies Past (who appeared in the form of Chris Farley)!  The mighty specter bellowed at me "Do not forget those who have made you who you are!" ...and then found his way to my kitchen for a snack. When I awoke the next morning, I was unsure if what I had experienced was real or just a dream, but I knew one thing - I knew that I owed it to my most beloved comedic films to make this list! So here they are, in no particular order ~ some of my personal favorite outrageous, witty, inappropriate, ridiculous, over-the-top, pee-in-your-pants, and squirt-milk-through-your-nose, hilarious moments in comedy...

 RAISING ARIZONA - Huggies Heist & Chase Scene 
Apparently, the newfound pressures of family life seem to be getting to ol' H.I., as he relapses back into his criminal ways in this classic scene...

 ANCHORMAN - Crying over Baxter 
I can certainly understand one's grief when losing a pet, but in this scene, San Diego news anchor Ron Burgundy becomes completely unglued when he believes he beloved dog Baxter is dead...


 ELECTION - Seeing Tracy Flick Again 
Imagine seeing your most despised nemesis after many years and pathetically trying to pretend like it doesn't affect you...Why is thinly-veiled bitterness so damn funny?!


 THE BIG LEBOWSKI - Marmot in the Bathtub 

In a case of mistaken identity, German annihilists storm into the wrong Mr. Lebowski's home - aka "the Dude."  I love this scene, because it so closely describes what it feels like when trying to take a relaxing bath in a home with three sons...

 CLUE - Mrs. White "Flames" 
No matter how secure in yourself you are, I'm sure most of you have, at some point in your life, secretly hated someone due to jealousy, even if it was way back in kindergarten!  Here, with one word, Mrs. White describes the feeling to perfection...


 HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART 1 - The Eunich Test 
In this scene, our friend and slave-on-the-run, Josephus, tries to disguise himself as one of the Queen's guards in order to avoid certain death from the Roman authorities.  In order to prove whether or not he is a real eunich, Josephus is put to the ultimate test...


 YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN - Igor's Father's Words of Wisdom 
Like many of the aforementioned films, this one is riddled with great one-liners.  It is impossible to pick just one, but this is certainly one of my favs, that I can be overheard quoting quite often...

Ahhh, simplicity...artist Marc Johns

best t-shirt ever?

a funny, handwritten line or two...a silly little drawing...and somehow the results are touching, introspective, beautiful and hilarious all at once!  that is the beauty of art...and of artist marc johns.

pipe-smoking rabbit

screw it, said the dryer

just be famous...

if i had arms...

for ALL THINGS MARC JOHNS, check out these links!

www.marcjohns.com

marc johns tee-shirts

shop.marcjohns.com/

GOOD ACTORS... BAD HAIR

One of the biggest sacrifices an actor can make for a particular role is to wear a ridiculous-looking hairdo or hairpiece.  Here are a few notable examples of those whom have truly suffered for their art...

Bad, in a Good Way...

In these situations, the hair is an integral part of the character- and apparently, in order to play a really good psycho, you need really bad hair!

Javier Bardem's 70's bowl-cut adds to his creep factor
in No Country for Old Men

Sean Penn sports a sweet 'fro in
Carlito's Way

Charlize Theron's bad hair in Monster 
definitely says "man-hater"

BEST "BAD HAIR" OF ALL TIME:
Elsa Lanchester in The Bride of Frankenstein, 1935

Comedic Coifs...

When it comes to comedy, hair is always a great way to specify  a character's personality...

John Goodman as a high-strung vietnem vet in
The Big Lebowski

Bad hair, good bowling: Woody Harrelson and
Randy Quaid in Kingpin

Annoyingly perfect and perky Reese 
Witherspoon in Election

Melissa McCarthy's no fuss ponytail speaks
volumes in Bridesmaids

Bad, in a Bad Way...

Big budgets they may have had, but the following movie hairdo's are just plain don'ts!

Repeat-offender Nicolas Cage

Worst. Extensions. EVER.
Taylor Lautner in Twilight

In Thor, Sir Anthony Hopkins proves that a bad wig
can make even the most respected of actors look like an ass

Orlando Bloom's pompous pompadour made me snicker more than 

swoon, in Hollywood's latest stab at The Three Musketeers

Today, this early 90's version of The Three Musketeers looks 
very...well...early 90's (and yes, that's Charlie Sheen)

MADONNA "too old" to put on a good show?

Madonna, looking fabulous in her early 50's!

It hasn't stopped these old farts!

flashback to 2001: Steven Tyler (then 53) prances onstage at half-time
with barely-legals, Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears & Nelly

somehow Nicolas Cage continues
to land  "hunky" leading man roles,
opposite young hotties like
Eva Mendes (Ghostrider)
my response: Eww!

Since it was announced that Madonna was going to be the half-time entertainment at this year's Superbowl, the Material Girl has gotten a lot of flack by the media & bloggers regarding her age.  In defense of my beloved Queen of Pop - I have noticed that there are more than a few male entertainers around Madonna's age (and much older) that don't seem to ruffle any feathers for still behaving like young bucks...

international "sex symbol" John Travolta, sporting
a hair piece, pot belly and about a C-cup...

sassy senior Mick Jagger swaggered accross the Superbowl Stage in 2006

FUNNY LADY Marilyn Monroe

Because of the focus on her iconic beauty and voluptuous va-va-voomness, I think Marilyn Monroe's acting and comedic talent has often been overlooked. The star of many great comedies during the 1950's, it is easy to see that she was the reason for their successes. Marilyn not only perfected the super-sexy-yet-naive "dumb blonde" character - she created it. 

I encourage you to watch some of these old comedies - they have stood the test of time, and Marilyn just sparkles in them!

Top 5 Marilyn Monroe Comedies

1. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953)
2. The Seven Year Itch (1955)
3. How to Marry a Millionaire (1953)
4. Some Like it Hot (1959)
5. Monkey Business (1952)
   
   
   

   

Marilyn Monroe's Official Site

For complete information on all Marilyn's films on IMDB, click here